CineCharmed
by Snoupy1972
Summary: What if Charmed wasn't just Charmed? What if it was something else out of popular culture? Come read and find out!
1. One

You know how all the Charmed titles were variations and plays off of titles and cultural references? I thought I'd take that and run with it a little. What if Charmed weren't Charmed, but something else? Something in popular culture. So without any further ado I give you.........

**Cine-Charmed**

by Snoopy

_One_

The energy ball sailed over Phoebe's head and hit the creature in it's middle, causing it to combust. Pieces rained down on the remains of the boat as Phoebe whirled around furiously and pointed an accusing finger at Cole.

"Why did you do that? I specifically told you not to do that!"

"You were about to fall into it's open mouth Phoebe. It could have killed you."

Phoebe scoffed. "Oh please. It was already dead and would have blown up on it's own shortly."

Cole threw his hands up in frustration. "First, it wasn't dead yet" he exploded, "and second, **YOU CANNOT BLOW UP A GREAT WHITE BY IMPALING IT ON THE BOW OF A BOAT!**"

"But we're in international waters" Phoebe cried. "It's supposed to work here!" She started to sob.

Cole toook her into his arms and rocked her back and forth.

"That theory was propagated by people who also think that you can fall into a shark's mouth, get dragged underwater while being chewed on and survive. They also think that Jaws 2 is a better film than Jaws. None of this is true. Trust me."

_*sniff*_ "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh, okay." Phoebe hiccupped. "Can we still go do the thing with the genetically enhanced mako sharks and the high voltage cable?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Cool. Let's go."

Cole grabbed Phoebe and they shimmered out.


	2. Two

Two

Cole struggled at the chains holding him to the bed.

"You'll never defeat me." he growled at the Charmed Ones. "I am the Source of All Evil. I'll prove it to you."

Suddenly the bed rose up off the ground. It bounced back and forth and chased the sisters around the room.

The Source cackled. "Watch what I can do." Cole's head turned around 360 degrees. Piper fainted. The Source grinned.

"Take her downstairs," Paige told Phoebe. "I'll stay with him for a while."

Time passed slowly. Paige sat and read Demons are From Mars, Whitelighters are From Venus while Phoebe made sure Piper was okay.

Cole looked at Paige. "Paige," he whispered faintly. "Come here for a moment."

"Cole?" she asked. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Cole grinned at her. "Your mother's in hell Matthews."

Paige shrugged. "Yeah well, what can you do?"

The Source grinned at her. "I don't know about you but I can do this." Suddenly he spat out a green substance and vomited it all over Paige.

Phoebe rushed upstairs as Paige shrieked. "Paige! Are you okay?"

"He threw up on me! My good shirt is ruined! Oh yuck, what is this stuff?"

Phoebe put out a finger and cautiously tasted what was on Paige. "It's split-pea soup."

"Oh God, I feel so disgusting. Watch him for me while I go change." Paige stomped downstairs.

Phoebe looked at Cole on the bed. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now."

The Source leered at her. "Want to have a three way?"

"With you? That'd barely be a one and a half way."

"Ooh, that hurts. At least I don't have a lame mother."

"Excuse me?"

"Your momma's so lame only a soap opera would want her."

"What did you say?"

"I said your momma's so lame only a soap opera would want her."

"Okay, that's it buster. You're going down.

Paige had just finished changing her shirt when the screaming started. She met up with Piper who had recently come to and they both rushed up the stairs.

_**"Nooooo! Oh god no! Make it stop! Make it stop!"**_

Paige and Piper reached the door as the screaming cut off abruptly. They threw open the door......

And gaped at the scene of Phoebe and Cole furiously making out on the bed.

"Ahem."

Cole and Phoebe looked up with guilt written on both their faces.

"Hey Piper. Hey Paige."

Piper tapped her foot. "What happened to the Source?"

"Oh him, he's gone. No worries. I took care of it. Everything's fine now."

"What was all that screaming about? What did you do to him?"

"Oh, I just threatened to subject him to something worse than death. I mean WAY worse than death." Phoebe and Cole both shuddered.

"What was that?"

"A marathon of Who's the Boss."

Piper and Paige quickly closed the door and went back downstairs shaking their heads as Phoebe and Cole went back to making out on the bed.


	3. Three

Three

Zankou looked at the four Charmed Ones, Cole and Leo.

Prue nudged Phoebe. "Go talk to him."

"What? Why me?"

"Because you're the overly friendly one!" Prue hissed. "Show him some cleavage or something. Go!"

Phoebe took a hesitant step out. "Uh, hello," she said to Zankou. "Do you want to discuss this? I have a psychology degree."

Prue groaned.

_"Are you an Avatar?" _Zankou asked Phoebe.

"What?"

_"Are you an Avatar?"_

Phoebe looked back and saw that everyone was frantically motioning her to say yes. She turned to Zankou.

"Uh....no?"

Zankou smiled. _"Then you can DIE!"_

Demons suddenly jumped down while others appeared from nothingness. They pounced on the Charmed Ones, Cole and Leo.

Prue used her telekinesis to throw them off, while Piper blew them up and Cole took them out with energy balls. Phoebe, Paige and Leo knocked down as many as they could. When the demons had all been vanquished, Cole turned to Phoebe.

"The next time someone asks you if you are an Avatar, you say YES dammit!"

"Sorry."

"Now what do we do?" Piper asked.

Before anyone could answer, the sky overhead turned completely black. Zankou's voice came forth.

_"You who have defeated my demons shall choose the form of your own final destruction. Choose now and die. Choose the form of the destroyer."_

"I get it," Cole told the others. "Everybody! Quickly empty your minds. Maybe if we don't think of anything, Zankou won't be able to choose a form for his destroyer."

Zankou's voice came down again. _"I have read the mind of she who is not an Avatar. She has chosen the form of your destruction. Make peace with your Gods. Death is upon you."_

Everyone turned around and looked accusingly at Phoebe. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anythi... wait. No, it couldn't be. It was just a little thought. Nothing big. Honest."

"Phoebe." both Prue and Cole growled.

"I just wanted to remember it one more time if I was going to die. I love it so much."

"Remember what Phoebe?"

Leo suddenly shouted. "Oh my God! Look!"

They all looked over the side of the building. The destroyer had come alright.

And it was the Giant Special Edition Full Screen Version of Kill it Before it Dies.

Paige turned to Phoebe. "There is something wrong with you, you know that?"

"I cannot believe you Phoebe," Prue scolded. "Of all the things you could have thought of as a last memory, you thought of this? This?" She rounded on Cole who was bent over in hysterical laughter. "And what's up with you?"

"I'm sorry," Cole managed between gasps. "But this is the funniest, most asinine thing I have ever seen. And to think it came from Phoebe's head, I just.." He broke down again.

"Asinine or not, it can still destroy us," Prue stated. She turned back to Cole. "Stop laughing and help us come up with a plan here. You are the expert after all."

Cole traded a look with Leo, who nodded. "We combine our powers." he said to the sisters.

"What?" they shrieked. "You always said combining our powers was bad."

"Well, these are special circumstances and I've got nothing else."

The Charmed Ones, Cole and Leo all held hands and began to chant:

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

**The Power of Six, Get us out of this Fix**

Zankou screamed as he was vanquished, followed by all of his remaining demons. The giant DVD of Kill it Before it Dies began to break apart, pieces falling to the ground in clumps. One of the clumps hit Barbas, who had been watching the carnage with sadistic glee, knocking him unconscious.

Up on the roof, everybody hugged each other. "We did it!" Paige happily cried.

Phoebe went up to Cole. "I promise to never say no when asked if I'm an Avatar ever again," she promised.

Cole grinned. "And I know who I'm gonna call whenever there's a magical crisis."

"Who you gonna call?"

"The Charmed Ones, Demonbusters!"


End file.
